Here's one of the two of us

In 1954 don't laugh

I keep all of the pictures

Are you going to take a photograph

Here's something nice for you

A dear old thing came to a show

Last time here we did

An interview on local radio



Make yourself at home my darling

Come on in

Hand me down that jar love

Can I offer you a gin



We're proud to be the oldest

Ugly sisters in variety

There's not the glamour now

You see what happened to society

There's another light bulb gone

They don't all answer to the switch

I don't know how we carry on

And her she couldn't care the bitch



But in a while the old boys

In the band begin to play

And in a while the houselights

And the curtains slide away



And something's going to happen

To make your whole life better

Your whole life better one day

Something's going to happen

To make your whole life better

Your whole life better one day



Now the landlady's all squared away

It's just a temporary deal

I'm afraid tonight it's take-away

You see there is no evening meal

Don't worry dear you shall go to the ball

I think the fairy said

These suitcases have seen it all

From under someone else's bed



You want to smile those tears away

Now don't you cry

You want to know what I say

I say never say die



'Cos something's going to happen

To make your whole life better

Your whole life better one day

Something's going to happen

To make your whole life better

Your whole life better one day