I play in a band, we're the best in the land



We're big in both Chelsea and France



I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar



There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance



So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty



These other gals mean nothing to me



Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night



'Cause I'm more than a handful, you'll see







So kiss me, I'm shitfaced



I'm soaked, I'm soiled and brown



in the trousers, she kissed me



And I only bought her one round



I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star



with degrees from both Harvard and Yale



Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine



I've had far better sex while in jail



I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour



I cook the world's best duck flambe



I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me



I don't need these lines to get laid







I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight



See my figure was chiseled from stone



One more for the gal then I'll escort her home



Come last call, I'm never alone



I've a house on the hill with a red water bed



That puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame



With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars



I'm just here in this dump for the game







Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shitting?



I'm a pitiful sight, and I ain't all that bright



I'm definitely not chiseled from stone



I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire



I'll probably die cold and alone



But just give me a chance, 'cause deep down inside



I swear I got a big heart of gold



I'm a monogamous man, no more one night stands



Come on, honey, let me take you home