I met him in a crowded room

Where people go to drink away their gloom

He sat me down and so began

The story of a charmless man

Educated the expensive way

He knows his claret from a beaujolais

I think he'd like to have been Ronnie Kray

But then nature didn't make him that way

He thinks his educated airs those family shares

Will protect him, that you will respect him

He moves in circles of friends who just pretend that they like him

He does the same to them and when you put it all together

There's the model of a charmless man

He knows the swingers and their cavalry

Says he can get in anywhere for free

I began to go a little cross eyed

And from this charmless man I just had to hide

He talks at speed he gets nose bleeds

He doesn't see his days are tumbling down upon him

Yet he tries so hard to please he's just so keen for you to listen

But no-one is listening and when you put it all together

But no-one is listening and when you put it all together

There's the model of a charmless man

There's the model of a charmless man

He thinks his educated airs, those family shares

Will protect him, that you will respect him

Yet he tries so hard to please he's just so keen for you to listen

But no-one is listening and when you put it all together

There's the model of a charmless man