He doesn't have a problem with drugs

He just doesn't get them

He's fine that his mates have tattoos

But he thinks they'll regret them

He likes going to pubs

But he hates when the music's too loud

He tends not to go to rock concerts

Cos he can't stand the crowd

But all he's ever wanted to be

Is a rock star on Rage or MTV

But he knows that it's not fucking likely

He's just turned thirty



He knows that he will always be

A rock 'n' roll nerd

He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear

And though they won't be heard

He'll just keep writing

Oh yeah



But you see the problem is

He always dreamt of being a star

But he learned piano instead of guitar

Which in the nineties didn't get you very far

So while all the other kids were learning Stairway

He was the piano to their forte

But he was convinced one day

He'd rock their fucking asses

Be an icon for the disenfranchised masses

And grow his hair long

And rebel against the state

But just for now that'd have to wait

Cos he's running late for his morning classes



And he will always be

A rock 'n' roll nerd

He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about

And though it sounds absurd

He'll just keep playing

Oh yeah



But you see the problem is

There's not much depth in what he's singing

He's a victim of his upper middle class upbringing

So he can't write about the hood

Or bling bling

So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead

To try and invoke some angst in his middle class head

But the bitch is always fine at half past nine

When they go to bed

And he's not spent a single night in prison

He has no issues with nutrition

He has no drinking problem

And no drug addiction

Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken

And marijuana always tends to make him cough

He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off

And when he tries to act tough you can tell he's trickin'



While his mates all go out late

Popping pills and having fun

He goes home and showers

And gets a good eight hours

He gets his thrills from his morning run

And while his mates all go on dates

Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Bean

He stays home and cooks

Curls up with a book

With the girl he's had since he was seventeen



Cos he's never really been part of the scene

Give him guns 'n' roses, he'll take Queen

He's more into Beatles than The Stones

He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones

And he's never owned a panel van

He's never shot a Panterra fan

He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash

He couldn't tell you nothing about Axel and Slash

He likes Ben Folds to the Jackson Five

He knows all the words to Staying Alive

And though he wants to be all grungy and cool

He spent eleven years in a private school



So it don't matter how he tries

He cannot hide behind his rock 'n' roll lies

Cos you've either got it or you don't

You'll either rock it or you won't

Yeah, you've either got it or you don't

Yeah, you'll either rock it or you won't



He knows that his music lacks depth

But it just can't be helped

He has nothing interesting to say

So he writes about himself

But he doesn't want to seem self obsessed

So he writes in third person

In an attempt to seem more rock 'n' roll

But he suspects it's not workin'

And deep in his heart he knows

That he'll never be Silver Chair or Eskimo Joe

And even if he was quite pretty

With small pants like Kylie



He knows that he

Will always be

A rock 'n' roll nerd

He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about

And though it sounds absurd

He'll just keep writing

Oh yeah

You can criticise him

But he won't care

Cos he wants to rock, and he will never be deterred

But he'll always be a fucked up little, try-hard, wannabe rock 'n' roll nerd

Rock 'n' roll nerd