You'd already been half an hour 

With pre-clubbing shower 

And I'd always planned to have a look 

In your special Winnie the Pooh book. 

The place was marked 

And it was there in blue and white

It just said simply, "Paul stayed last night."



Next I was on the bog 

And you got down on one knee

You were protesting your innocence 

And you started to cry 

Just as I started to pee.



You said, 

"I didn't shag him, 

He slept on the couch in the kitchen.

He might as well be a girl, 

He's a good for a laugh and he's good for bitchin'."



You said you'd never be willing or able.

And he looks like he was made on a fucking table.

Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well, 

But as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell.



And I can you see you with your new Uni pals standing bragging. 

Now, he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking shite 

But you still denied it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night.



You said, 

"I didn't shag him, 

He slept on the couch in the kitchen. 

We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'."



The words that you used to think turned me on 

Just made me laugh - 

"Do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff.

And when we were with your friends I just as well might of been no-one.

And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one.