Howard:

What's a girl like you

Doin' in a place like this?



Mark:

I left my place after midnight

And I came to this hall

Me and my girlfriend, we came here

Lookin' to ball



Howard:

You came to the right place

This is it

This is the swingin'-est place

In New York City



Chorus:

NO SHIT!



Mark:

How true that is!



Howard:

Oh, how true indeed



Mark:

Yeah, me and my,

Me and my girlfriend, we come here

Every Friday 'n Saturday night looking for that

Hot romance we need

We like to get it on-

Do you like to get it on, too?



Howard:

Well now, what did you have in mind?



Mark:

Well, I'll tell ya

Well I get off bein' juked

With a baby octopus

And spewed upon with creamed corn . . .

An' my girlfriend, she digs it

With a hot Yoo-hoo bottle

While somebody's screamin':

CORKS 'N SAFETIES

PIGS 'N DONKEYS

ALICE COOPER, baby . . .

WAAAAH!



Bob:

Well, it gets me so hot

I could scream



Chorus:

ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH!

ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH!



Howard:

You two chicks sound real far out and groovy

Ever been to a Holiday Inn?

Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa . . .

Magic Fingers in the bed (Picture it!)

Wall-mounted TV screens

Coffee-Host plugged into the bathroom wall

Formica's really keen!



Chorus:

(What kind of girl?)

What kind of girl do you think we are?

(What kind of girl?)

What kind of girl do you think we are?

(I ain't no groupie)

Don't call us groupies

That is going too far

(What kind of girl?)

We wouldn't ball you

Just because you're a star



FZ:

These girls wouldn't let just anybody

Spew on their vital parts

They want a guy from a group

With a big hit single in the charts!



Howard:

Funny you should mention it

Our new single made the charts this week

With a bullet!

With a bullet!

Just let me put a little more

Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, baby

And you can show me how

A young girl such as you

Might be thrilled and

Overwhelmed by me, ho-ho . . .



Mark:

What hotel did you say you were staying at?



Howard:

Wanna split right away?



Mark:

Not so fast, you silly boy . . .

There's one thing I gotta say



Chorus:

We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts

We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts

We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts

We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts