Mary Long is a hypocrite

She does all the things that she tells us not to do

Selling filth from a corner shop

And knitting patterns to the high street queue

She paints roses, even makes them smell good

And then she draws titties on the karzi wall

She drowns kittens just to get a thrill and writes

Sermons in the Sunday chronicle



How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?



Mary told Johnny not to write such trash

And said it was a waste of public money

She made a fuss, they made apologies

But everybody thought the show was funny

When the nation knew you'd had children

It came as such a surprise

We really didn't know you'd had it in you

How you did it we can only surmise



How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?



Mary Long, you're not alone

But you're a long way behind the times

What we do in full frontal view

Is more honest than your cleaned up mind

What I'm saying, Mary Long, is

If you can spare a minute

Go find your friend the porny lord

Dig yourself a hole and jump in it



How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long? 

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?



Mary Long...

Mary Long...

Mary Long...

Mary Long...

Mary Long...