It's your birthday today

(Woohoo)

What does that mean

I guess I'll try to explain

That many years ago on this day

It was the first time your parents

saw your beautiful face

(Oh, such a cute little baby)



And nine months before that

magical day

Your dad probably took your mom

out on a date

And they were having a good time

They were dancing and drinking wine

(We're gonna live forever)



And when they got home

They were horny as hell

And your dad threw your mom down

on the bed

And he tore her panties off

And his wee-wee was hard as a rock

(I'm so horny)



And at this point your mom wanted

to give your dad head

But your dad also wanted to give

your mom head

So they formed a sixty nine

(sit on my face)

And your mom came

at least three times

(Oh, oh, oh)



And then your dad was so excited

to get inside your mom

That he forgot to put a condom on

And when he realized his mistake

(O-oh)

He had ejaculated

and it was too late

(You're not on the pill, are you?)



And then your mom got pregnant

And your dad started crying

(Wah)

He wanted your mom

to get an abortion

(Please!)

But your mom really wanted a child

(Dammit!)



And nine months later

you were born

And five months later

your parents got a divorce



Happy birthday...