The fat ugly fat man swam in a red tire made of stone
The painted lady paddled next to him
With two poodles on her lap
Garbo quietly picked a flower
While the chauffeur won his check again
And as Barrymore took a noonday nap
Diamonds fell like rain

The Cisco Kid had a bald-headed waitress
Trapped 'neath a bed of brass
The French cook served them chocolate ants
And cold cuts on the grass
Lauella ripped her zebra pants in the Polo lounge
And Errol Flynn was not let in
'Cause he was comin' down

Up in Xanadu, diamonds fell like rain
Citizen Kane was king, poor Citizen Kane

Valentino suddenly appeared
In his midnight blue tuxedo
He had a falcon on his shoulder
Eating chicken from his hands
And Fatty Arbuckle waddled by
On his way to the bathhouse green
And Frankenstein ate the leading lady
And licked the carcass clean

*Up in Xanadu, diamonds fell like rain
Citizen Kane was king, poor Citizen Kane

(* Repeat)