by Eduardo Rivadavia

It really don't amount to a hill o' beans that Lovehatehero served up a very respectable collection of aggressive emo-core on their 2005 debut, Just Breathe; nor that their 2007 sophomore effort, White Lies, packs just as much muscular punch to go with its catchy punchlines. So long as the band's dreamy-cute press photo sparkles with such perfectly coiffed haircuts, strategically placed piercings, Proactiv-cleared skins, and tender bedroom eyes, they are likely doomed to be branded as nothing more than a boy band with guitars strapped on. Sad but true, kids, you are what you eat, and no measure of metallic guitar staccatos (see "Running with Scissors" and "Homewrecker"), plectrum-melting shred solos (showcased on "Goodbye My Love," "You Got Served," and beyond), or machine-gun kick-drums (blasted all over "To the End"), will cure those metrosexual rock band blues. Although, even if the minor key nuances and technical refinements of big-hook, chorus-laden, band camp hits like "I'll Make It to Brigades," "Red Dress" and "Hollywoodemia" are irretrievably lost upon vast legions of love-struck, glazed-eye, teenaged cheerleaders (and non-cheerleaders alike), at least their horny hardcore boyfriends will have a mosh pit standing by until it's time to try and jump the girls' bones after the show. After all, and this is no joke: compared to commercial-jingle pop-punk crap like Good Charlotte or Simple Plan, Lovehatehero are as compositionally advanced and thematically mature as Led-friggin'-Zeppelin! And of course, whether or not their songwriting talents are ever given the respect they truly deserve, Lovehatehero can rest easy in the knowledge that their career path will still be lined with gold bricks -- by hook or by crook -- just as long as youthful good looks don't desert them, and there are ever new generations of 14-year-old girls in the world, willing to put their music-consuming money where their hormones are. So, hardcore boyfriends: don't even bother making ineffectual mixtapes -- or play lists as you call them these days -- meant to win over your girl's heart -- get them a copy of White Lies instead.